I have quite a few layers, you know

I'll keep it short and sweet. I'm a 26 year old gay transman who's (hopefully) starting his journey on HRT. So, he/him pronouns, and call me J.

Oh hai new follower.

Mom’s still apprehensive about it all, but she’s slowly coming around. She admitted today that she’s willing to accept the hormones, but really wants me as a daughter. It’s an improvement.

Scheduled a doctor appointment for the end of next week, which is after the massive exam rush. The university has a clinic that I’ll be going to. Receptionist was really nice and understanding about my concerns with insurance.

More than anything, I’m not looking forward to having the blood drawn. Mainly because I can’t really find anything online that has to do with transgenders.

So, rah.

My university is fairly liberal, which means its a sort of oasis in a sea of conservatism and backwards thinking. So, the staff has been fairly helpful, even going so far as asking what name I want on slide shows. Anyway, I’ve set myself up with a study group and they still call me by my birth name, which I’m ok with since the name is gender neutral. Plus I haven’t changed anything on facebook beyond gender/preferred nouns (neutral/them/they for now).

I’ve been introducing myself as my chosen name and a few people call me as such, along with him/he, which is great. Had one student going so far as asking why I didn’t have a tie. Not to mention, been getting random guys greeting me in a standard “hey, sup?” type way.

Anyway, the study group. I’ve been meeting with them for about two or three weeks now, and I’ve noted the general absence of pronouns, which tends to happen in general since I’m fairly androgynous looking, in some cases. Today, one of them asked about which name I preferred, so, I explained about being transgender. They were fine with things and said that they’d use my preferred name. After a brief talk, the discussion went back to tomorrow’s test and studying.

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As a random side note, I ordered a binder from Lesbian Love Boat on Sunday. Once it gets here, I’ll type up a review on it and toss up some pictures, as well. Due to my size, I went with them rather than underworks. It means waiting longer, but I’m hoping for a better fit.

Well, I got my letter today. Now, I just need to schedule a visit for getting my blood tested. Big issue with that is that it’ll be fasting and I have a whole bunch of things to do with school. Wednesday, this week, is about my only available day since I don’t want to be fasting right before an exam. From there, next Wednesday.

Given my irregular menstrual periods throughout my life, I’m highly interested in knowing what the blood work will say.

This is me. I am pre-hormones, and have never touched the stuff. I’m 26 and am 4’11”, having never really grown in any sense of the word. No, I’m not binding in this picture. I don’t own one yet, and just rely on sports bras since I’m a 32A.

No, I don’t smile.

I essentially created this blog as a way of both keep track of changes for when I start HRT, as well as a general information type thing, I suppose. There’s a lot of dangerous and harmful misinformation out there in regards to transgenders and transitioning. It’s not really a good thing for someone who’s confused to stumble over them.

I doubt that this will get many followers beyond who I send it to, but oh well. I’m not one for popularity anyway.

I wasn’t one of those that knew from an early age that they were transgender. In fact, I don’t really remember much about my childhood except being depressed and on anti-depressants. As I hit my teens, things were even worse. Around that time, I also was put on birthcontrol due to severely irregular periods. I have since learned that estrogen and I don’t get along. During my teens, I played many browser names and unless I went with an obviously female name, was always gendered as male, and this even happened on games where the majority of the player base was female.

My teens were marked by severe depression and an overall sense of life being pointless, but never to the point that I actually wanted to do anything. These feels persisted even after I graduated and entered college. There, I had a new feeling of just trying to blend in and not having an identity. I felt like an immense outsider, despite meeting a few acquaintances. I tried makeup and absolutely hated how I looked in it. It just wasn’t right.

Around late spring of 2013, I started role playing a male character and introducing myself as male. It was mainly as a social experiment, more than anything, since it was a known fact that women would get harassed about cybering and treated poorly if they refuse. I got much the same treatment from women who got angry that I wasn’t interested in cybering.

More importantly, however, I didn’t mind being called he/him, or the name that I had picked. It never crossed my mind that there could be transmen. I only knew about transwomen. Continuing on to December, I stumbled across a transman on a game I played and we started talking. They presented as female to the game, but divulged their true feelings to me. We started comparing things and I had a “oh my god” moment.

From there I went on a several month long research spree on various things. Resulted in a healthy bit of depression, too. Towards the end of my final semester in college, I started accepting things and thinking of myself as male. Surprisingly, the sense of trying to blend in and not having an identity started going away.

By the middle of 2013, I decided that I wanted to see a therapist. So, I talked to mom. Long story short, she didn’t really take it well and my therapy sessions amounted to jack shit. So, I pulled myself back into the closet and continued to do research while I applied to various universities.

Fast forward to summer of this year. Discovered that the university that I’d been accepted into did therapy for gender issues. Therapy was free due to the money coming out of my student fees.

So, here I am now. I’ve been at the university for a few weeks now and my therapist is going to write me a letter so I can start HRT. I’ve since told mom about things and she’s taking things a bit better. She’s more willing to learn this time around.